Little houses

"You know, love grows best in little houses, with few walls to separate.  You can sleep so close together, you can't help but communicate.  Oh, and if we'd had more walls between us, think of all we'd missed.  Love grows best in houses just like this."  (Country Music Song)

Shawn and I built our home almost exactly 7 years ago.  We built on a corner lot on his parents' 60 acre farm.  The yard has a tendency to retain water and at times, we have literally been surrounded by water.  Shawn made mention of this (he glossed over it) before we broke ground to build.  :)  Back then, we thought we would be here 2, maybe 3, years.  hahhahah  7.  And counting.  Little did we know that we would choose to stay so that I could stop teaching to be a stay-at-home mom.  One of the things we "sacrificed" was moving into a bigger home.  I hesitate to say it was a sacrifice, because honestly, staying home with the kids has been ideal and at times, a luxury.  I hesitate to say luxury, because at times, it has been a nightmare.  I hesitate to say nightmare or to even expound on it...but my lil Grace is an independent bugger with a set of lungs that ... well ... if she ever puts them to good use ... i.e. singing or whatever ... she will put Mariah Carey to so, so, so much shame.  It is true.  I would record it but that would just be mean (to you who would hear it).  There have been times that I have longed for a bigger home so I could get away from the screaming.  Many times, I have carried Noah John into my bathroom, flipped the vent on, all to get away from the shrills.  This is one of many things this little house has seen and heard.  It has also both seen and felt peanut butter (pardon my personification).  Two days ago I noticed a smudge of peanut butter on a wall.  Because I was really busy at the time, I left it there.  Poor wall.  My mom would argue it is just begging to be cleaned.  Fortunately for the other walls, I have taken to cleaning the kids hands faster now, to avoid more smudges that I will not, obviously, have the time to scrub to a sparkling clean.

Staying home with the kids has been a blessing and a curse.  I have learned things about myself that I am not proud of.  I can lose my head over stupid things.  I can yell. And the worst...I can sound just plain ugly.  I know it, because I hear it from my 3 yr old's mouth.  It's like a delayed echo.   Funny how THAT works huh.  For example, currently, I am trying to break Grace from answering me with, "FINE!"  I tell her...say "Yes, ma'am."  To which she inevitably says, "FINE!"  followed by an oddly serene "yes ma'am."  Seriously.  This whole "do as I say, not as I do" thing isn't working.  What's up with THAT.  I have even told her (it's true)..."Grace, do as I say, not as I do."  I just scratched my head and winced.  It seems worse now that I'm typing it.  It is a GOOD thing God is a good God, slow to anger and quick with love.  Spinning off of that, I have tried to be slow to anger and quick to love also.  I have learned to say sorry and I love you and to pick my battles.  A few I don't pick are "Clothes battles" and "Shoe battles."  (Point in case, last Sunday night, Grace in sandals with sport socks on).

My children have polished off my rough spots.  I'm a little more well-rounded now.  I'll admit.  I am not the greatest or the best mom but I never quit trying to be.  I love my kids and I admit when I screw up.  I try to screw up less now that Grace is older, because what if she remembers it!  My theory is birth-3...eh...they forget everything anyway.  I mind my best behavior when the kids turn 3.  Noah John still has 2 years of my screw-ups to contend with.  (In case anyone is worried, I am just kidding).  The truth is, he only has 1 year and 9 mos left of my screw-ups left to contend with. hahahhaaha

This brings me to the intro paragraph...love grows in this small house.  I read something in a book my gran had...it said..."Some are whipping mothers.  Some are loving mothers.  But underneath, they are all still mothers."  Yep.  Gran was a tough cookie.  So am I.  She's the tree, I'm the apple.  I hope I haven't done much harm to my loves.  They are my sun and my moon.  I try, everyday, to be better to them and for them.  I learned not long after having Grace that in order to be my best, I must first love myself.  That has been a journey all its own.  Some days are easier than others.  But if I can't love and forgive and learn from myself, how can I expect the reciprocal or to treat others that way even?

Shawn and I have come to a point that we must reassess things, such as how much longer we can afford me to stay at home with the kids.  It's interesting, because this comes immediately after my nice 1-month sub job.  It's a tough thing to consider-working full-time-because I have college classes to study for (starting this winter, one a semester give or take).  But, like I said, it's interesting, because God's plan has given me peace before.  Even when it wasn't my plan.  So if I'm to go back, he'll order and ordain the job.  He'll put it in the order it should go in...for our family.  I'm excited to receive word from Him.  "He orders our days...."  "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." 

Whatever happens though, is not because we want out of this small house.  'Cuz love grows best here!