Parenting

Today is one of those days I ask myself if it would be better for the kids if I just went back to work already. They wouldn't fight as much (since they would be in separate rooms at preschool/daycare). I would have more patience for them (since I wouldn't be with them so many hours of the day). Ahhh!!! See, I have failed yet again at disciplining 101. Or whatever it is. I feel like it's graduate level discipline but the kids are just 2 and 4! Sigh :o. I woke up happy as a lark and ready to love and care for my family. Hot breakfast by 7:10. Check. It began to spiral from there but I kept trying. The kids sat on stools near me as I played hymns on the piano. I planned a picnic lunch on the deck. I even prayed in the middle of a tantrum (the 4th BIG and I mean big-defiant-blowup for the day). I seriously tried. I failed. It stinks. It stinks not just because I wanted an easier day but because I wanted a day that glorifies God. Have I mentioned I hate satan?

I asked God for some scripture because today has D.R.A.I.N.E.D. me. You know when you can't discern His voice because while you're praying, the kids are throwing fits (okay, just the girl child) and when you open your eyes, the fit intensifies. After I prayed, this is what came to my memory. It's from the book of Isaiah, but it came to me in the way of a song I sang at church as a kid.

There will be peace like a river, peace like a river, peace like a river in my soul.

-excerpt from Isaiah 47:17-18

I learned recently that the Bible says whatever we ask, if it's in the will of God, HE will do. So, I ask for peace. Not just inside me in my quiet moments but more than that...I need it when dealing with my kids IN THE MOMENT. Rivers flow. They twist. They turn. Yet Isaiah equates peace to a river. I guess that means we are to experience peace no matter how many twists and turns life takes...constant flowing peace.... I JUST read about 5 different scriptures in Isaiah about peace. God says we can have peace and that He will not take it from us. It is a gift that Christians have because Jesus Christ suffered on a cross to give it to us. It doesn't mean always leading a peaceful life. It means having peace in our lives. Oh, do I ever need it now. And do my kids ever deserve it. And I need forgiveness too. First I must forgive myself :( which is the hard part. And I must re-enroll in that course on discipline that I obviously missed along the way!

So frustrated.
The end.

PS This is a picture of the Jordan River where Jesus was baptized.